Date at the Gold Saucer
by MasaZ
Summary: This is from a few years back, involves Yuffie, a mistaken pregnancy and a night of..'romance' for Cloud!


Teehee!" Shrieked Yuffie, as she plunged down the slide at the entrance to Speed Square.  
  
My God, is she always this hyper? Wondered Cloud, walking over to the slide and craning his neck down. "We'll meet you in five minutes!" He shouted down, hoping the young girl would hear him.  
  
Tifa walked up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. "Cloud....Do you wanna go on the Gondola with me?" She asked, twisting her hands behind her back like a little schoolgirl.  
  
Cloud nodded and let her take his hand "Yeah...uh...k." He replied, looking ever so slightly suspicious  
  
"Oh you! Playing hard to get" She groaned, playfully hitting him on the back of the head as they walked off.  
  
Aeris, who had come up the slide from Chocobo Square had watched their little conversation unoticed.  
  
So, he prefers Tifa, does he? We'll see about that.....I'll get him back...She thought as she slid into Ghost Square.  
  
Yuffie strapped herself into the Rollercoaster at the gaudily decorated Speed Square. "Alright! Time to win some PRIIZZZESSS!" She exclaimed as the rollercoaster pulled out of its station. As it slowly lurched up the hill, Yuffie noticed a sign on the wall.  
  
"This ride is not recommended for: People with heart problems, Asthma, Mako-induced illnesses or motion-sickness sufferers."   
  
Yuffie groaned, it was going to be one hell of a ride. Why couldn't it have been put at the entrance to the ride?  
  
Yuffie read on: "Pregnancy: It is highly unlikely that riding the Shooting Coaster will make you preganant." It finished.  
  
"Well that makes me feel better." Moaned Yuffie, staring at the novelty sign, her voice heavy with sarcasm.  
  
Meanwhile, the Gondola was cruising high into the night sky, creaking ominously from time to time, destroying any chance of a romantic atmoshpere  
  
"Cloud, look!" Whispered Tifa, in awe.  
  
Why do I get this feeling of deja vu? Oh bloody hell, she actually wants me to LOOK ! What do I do?   
  
Cloud turned his head towards the window, to be met with the sight of multi-coloured Chocobos streaming down a long, drawn out race-track.  
  
Tifa looked into his eyes and smiled.  
  
It's now or never....God, I'm never good at stuff like this.."Tifa...."Cloud croaked, his voice suddenly disappearing down his throat. "Wi- Will you...Marry me?" He gasped.  
  
Tifa hugged him. "Of course I will! I love you Cloud!" She replied, pulling him closer.  
  
As she drew away, Cloud produced a small box which he clicked open to produce two identical rings, one of which he slipped on to Tifa's dainty finger before putting the other onto his not-so-dainty finger.  
  
She kissed him passionately as they fell onto the floor. They were still at it as the car pulled into the station, both of them blissfully unaware of the attendant staring at them.  
  
Cloud opened one eye. Then the other. Almost immediately he pushed Tifa off him. "What the hell are you? Some sort of weirdo?" He demanded angrily, staring at the ride attendant.  
  
"I was just about to ask you the same thing sir. Kindly leave." Said the attendant icily.  
  
Cloud and Tifa clambered to their feet, looking suitably abashed as they headed towards the main square.  
  
Aeris was stood by the entrance, waiting for them.  
  
"Ah, hello Cloud!" She smiled, in her most sugary voice, then, dropping the tone and glancing at Tifa,   
  
"Tifa." She uttered in acknowledgement.  
  
"Aeris."  
  
Aeris' eyes wandered to the rings on the couple's fingers, and her heart froze. "Ummm...I never noticed those rings before. They're very nice..." She faltered, staring at the rings.  
  
"Oh, we're getting married! Isn't it great?" Announced Cloud happily.  
  
"Yeah. Great. I'm jumping for joy." Said Aeris, her voice devoid of any emotion.  
  
Cloud, oblivious to any sarcasm, replied "Thank you very much. I'm glad you're so happy."  
  
Aeris shook her head and wandered off. I've got to act fast...I shall put my plan into action tonight..  
  
Tifa and Cloud entered Speed Square's Shooting Coaster Ride.   
  
Tifa looked around for Yuffie. "No sign of her yet, how long's it been?"  
  
"Uh...." Cloud checked his fake Rolex watch he'd bought in Wall Market. "About 15 minutes.."  
  
Tifa looked visibly distressed, which increased as she noticed the expression of mild amusement on Cloud's face as he considered life without the young troublemaker. "Excuse me," She shouted to the attendant, "Have you seen a young girl anywhere? We're looking after her and, quite frankly, we're in it deep if we lose her."  
  
The bored looking woman pointed towards the railings. "Y' mean that girl?"  
  
Tifa and Cloud hurried over.   
  
Yuffie was slumped on the floor, her face an interesting shade of green. "Uhhh...I shouldn't'a gone on that..Oh man..." She groaned, holding her head in he hands.  
  
"Oh for God's sake, we're due in our hotel in five minutes! We'll see you there!" Shouted Cloud as they hurried off.  
  
At that time, Barret was stood in Wonder Square, furiously hammering the buttons on the Grabber.  
  
"Goddammit! I WANT AN X-POTION, NOT ONE FUCKING GP!" He yelled out in frustration, thumping the machine with his good arm.  
  
A small child wandered by with his mother. "Mummy, what's a fucking GP?" He asked innocently.  
  
His mother gasped and clamped her hands over his ears, giving Barret a scowl as she walked past hurriedly.  
  
Barret shrugged and fed another 100 Gil into the machine, cursing even louder as a small potion was deposited into his large hand. He stamped on the floor and turned on his heel, heading towards Ghost Square.  
  
When everyone had finally arrived in the Hotel, Cloud went over to book the rooms as the other members of the group chatted together.  
  
"Win anything then Barret?" Asked Tifa, by way of in-depth conversation, or at least, her definition of the phrase.  
  
"NO!" He thundered, "ONE GODDAMN POTION AND SOME G-BLEEDING-P. But I-I'm going back tommorow to see if I can win anything else..." He muttered, looking strangely ashamed.  
  
"That's, uh, nice.." Replied Tifa vaguely, making a mental note to make an appointment at Gamblers Anonymous on behalf of the now quivering man.  
  
Meanwhile, Nanaki was winding Yuffie up, who, because of her stomach-ache, was convinced the Shooting Coaster HAD made her pregnant, and Nanaki wasn't about to convince her otherwise.  
  
"Oh my God, Red, I think the Shooting Coaster made me pregnant!" She panicked.  
  
"And what, may I ask, makes you think this?" the beast asked, giving the ninja a strange look.  
  
"Well, on the sign at the entrance, it said the ride is highly unlikely to make you pregnant, but it didn't say it wouldn't!" She squeaked.  
  
"Oh you idi-! A sliver of a grin spread across his furry face, "Actually, that happened to a friend of Grandfather's, she rode the ride and became pregnant....With octuplets!" Announced Nanaki with relish, giving those last two words great impact.  
  
A look of horror spread across her face as she rushed upstairs, just in time to hear Cloud yell out her room number.  
  
"What's with HER?" Asked Cloud, a look of disgust on his face.  
  
"Oh, teenage problems." Grinned Nanaki.  
  
Cloud shrugged and went off to his room, the others followinng suit.  
  
Later that night, there was a knock on his door. Oh please no! Not again!, he thought to himself wearily. "Come in." He muttered, still half-asleep.  
  
The door cracked open, and the sight that met his eyes made him want to dig a hole and hide. A really, really deep hole.  
  
He cringed in embarassment as Aeris walked in, wearing what Cloud thought she no doubt considered her 'sexy' underwear. He said the only sensible thing. "God, you've been hitting the cakes hard Aeris!"  
  
For once, she ignored him and walked in, about to climb into bed as Cloud shrunk up against the wall, whimpering like a baby.  
  
"Don't worry Cloud, I won't hurt you," She said, loud enough for the entire Hotel to hear, as she removed some of the hideous underwear. Cloud hid under the covers, tying to blank it all out and stop himself from going blind.  
  
At that point in time, Tifa was strolling round her bedroom, unable to sleep. As she drew nearer the door, she could hear something. Curious, she wrapped a dressing gown around her and went to investigate. As she reached Cloud's door, she saw Aeris, who was well aware of Tifa's presence. Instead of flying off the handle at Cloud, she started on Aeris instead. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" She demanded.  
  
"Well, what does it look like, eh?"  
  
Tifa, thrown off balance retorted with a nice, friendly "SLUT!"  
  
Aeris looked aghast. "WHORE!"  
  
"COW!"   
  
Cloud sighed and closed his eyes, feigning sleep after realising that Tifa had yet to see him. He listened to the ongoing slanging match until they stopped, all out of insults to hurl. This was when Tifa turned her attention to Cloud. "Look, he's fast asleep, how can you think of coming in here and taking advantage of him?" She yelled.  
  
"Take advantage of him? Easier said than done!"  
  
Now it was Tifa's turn to look shocked. " What the hell do you mean?"  
  
"You know very well what I mean Miss Lockheart." Retorted Aeris.  
  
Cloud felt deeply offended, but thought it best not to say anything.  
  
Tifa slapped Aeris across the face and dragged her out of the room to give her a sound kicking, before returning to Cloud, kissing him goodnight and locking the door behind her.  
  
Cloud opened his eyes and listened intently. Not a sound could be heard, obviously Tifa and Aeris' litle 'conversation' had passed the rest of the inhabitants by unnoticed. Sound in the knowledge that his fiancee still loved him he fell asleep.  
  
The next morning, at breakfast, the attention of the entire group fell to the warring pair.  
  
Cid examined Aeris' unsightly black eye. "What happened?" He enquired, giving the girl a highly suspicious look.  
  
"I...Fell out the window. Yeah...The window..." She answered hastily.  
  
Barret caught sight of a large scar, running the length of Tifa's arm. "I s'pose you fell down the stairs or sumthin then?"  
  
"Uh yeah, something like that."  
  
The group eyed them suspiciously, but thought nothing more of it.  
  
Yuffie, meanwhile hadn't heard a thing that had been said. I think I'll tell 'em now..."Uh...Guys?"  
  
A few groans rose from the table.  
  
Yuffie ignored them and continued."I have and announcement to make..I'm pregnant..."  
  
A few eyebrows were raised. "Shouldn't you wait 'til you're at least 18?" Frowned Tifa  
  
"I can have sex right now if I want!" Yuffie pouted.  
  
"She's right, it's perfectly legal." Sighed Vincent, wishing he was anywhere, anywhere but sitting right there.  
  
"I was thinking more about the moral implications." Stated Tifa pointedly.  
  
Everyone stared at her blankly. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Uhh...Who's the father then?"  
  
Yuffie, realising she'd sound stupid if she said the Shooting Coaster, named the first person that came into her head. "Cloud!" She announced, pointing to the shocked young man.  
  
Oh shit, I'm in for it now... "I didn't do it!" He proclaimed hastily.  
  
Tifa stared at him and he backed into his seat. "Well, *I* didn't!" she exclaimed  
  
This time it was Cloud's time to stare at her. "I didn't say you did..."  
  
"How could you Cloud? HOW COULD YOU?" Tifa stormed off, tears welling up in her eyes.  
  
"Oh, well done, Puffie, he's in trouble now." Warned Nanaki.  
  
"I told you NOT to call me that. You're awful! I'm so scared!" She sobbed.  
  
"Why did you tell Tifa it was me?" Asked Cloud quietly. The voices in the background ebbed away.   
  
Cloud had one of those voices that commanded respect. When he wasn't saying something stupid.  
  
Yuffie shrugged. "Cause I can't tell you who the real father is!" She screeched, running out of the door and into the adjoining shop.  
  
"Uh, I think I'd better go talk to Tifa," Muttered Nanaki.  
  
Cloud nodded, still wondering what the hell was going on.  
  
Nanaki scratched at the door. "Tifa, can I come in?"  
  
Tifa moaned a reply and Nanaki bounded over to join her. "I have to explain something to you. See, Yuffie came to me last night and told me she was pregnant. Upon further questioning, it became apparent that she thought the Shooting Coaster did it."  
  
Tifa stared at him.  
  
"The ride has a novelty warning stating that it is highly unlikely, ie. Impossible to become pregnant whiile riding the coaster. Yuffie thought it meant she could become pregnant and is now in a state of panic because of the stomach aches she suffered on board the ride.  
  
Tifa nodded. "So, this child doesn't actually exist?"  
  
The creature smiled. "Yes. I must admit, I made it worse by telling her she WAS pregnant."  
  
"Red, that was nasty!" She exclaimed,trying to conceal a grin.  
  
The lion-like creature smiled. "I know!" He smirked, "But I had no idea she'd actually believe it!"  
  
Tifa shook her head and followed Nanaki downstairs, where they explained everything, and told Yuffie she wasn't actually expecting.  
  
As they left the hotel, Barret tapped Cloud on the shoulder. "Hey, Cloud, wanna go to the races?"  
  
Cloud felt relieved he'd been invited to join the man. He was sick of Aeris flirting with him constantly, and the accusations of adultery that the morning had brought. This is the last time I bring that girl ANYWHERE! He thought angrily. Cloud nodded at Barret's invitation and they set off for Chocobo Square.  
  
As they entered the arena, Cloud watched as Barret swaggered up to the counter and spoke to the man at the desk. " Yeah, I wanna place a bet on number 1, 3 an' 6, 'K?"  
  
"Yes Sir, and how much are you betting on each?"  
  
"I'm gonna bet 1000 Gil on each chocobo, if dat's OK?" Barret sounded confident.  
  
The man looked taken aback. "Yes Sir."  
  
Cloud gasped inwardly. Where'd he get that mo-No...better not think about it...Uh.. Several suggestions drifted across Cloud's mind, not all of them legal either.  
  
Barret handed over 3000 Gil and wandered over to Cloud to view the action on the monitor overhead.  
  
"So-uh. d'you think you'll win then?"   
  
"Oh, yeah, I reckon man!"  
  
The two stood and watched. After a while the Chocobos came into the final straight, all three of Barret's Chocobos were leading.  
  
The bear-like man punched the air in delight, which soon turned to horror as he watched helplessley as the lead chocobo tripped on a loose stone, creating a domino effect that sent all three animals flying, leaving the other Chocobos to win. Barret stamped the ground in fury, storming over to the betting booth and placing 6000 Gil on another three chocobos, which promptly lost. Three hours later, Barret had betted all his money against Teioh winning, and was down to his last few Gil.  
  
"Alright, alright, here, 100 Gil, and I'm so confident they'll win, I'll give you the shirt off my back if they don't. And my trousers!"  
  
Cloud shook his head in despair and watched as Barret looked confidently on, just as he had for the last twenty races. As he had expected, it ended in pain.   
  
Barret muttered curses under his breath as he rmoved his tattered shirt and unzipped his trousers,   
  
handing them over to the bemused man.  
  
Cloud grabbed Barret by the arm and hauled him out of the arena as he started to persuade the man to let him bet his underwear.  
  
As they arrived at the station Barret was met with several confused looks.  
  
"Barret! I'm shocked! You promised not to re-offend! Oh those poor innocent people..."Aeris gasped in horror.  
  
"Er, dare I ask what happened?" Ventured Tifa.  
  
"He bet his clothes at the Gold Saucer." Replied Cloud.  
  
"Ah."  
  
Several people raised their eyebrows and then stared at the ground, desperately searching for something to say, and failing miserably.  
  
Yuffie, now her normal annoying self soon broke the awkward silence. "I never knew you wore pink boxers Baz, they actually suit you!"  
  
Barret looked embarassed and attempted to hide himself behind a post.   
  
"Oh, stop behaving like a child Barret!" Warned Aeris, still irritated from the night before.  
  
Barret gave her an insolent look and emerged from behind the post, sheepishly clambering into the sky-train along with the others.  
  
As the train glided into North Corel, Barret was met with cat-calls and wolf-whistles.  
  
"Dammit! IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'VE GOT A GODDAMNED GAMBLING PROBLEM!" He thundered to no-one in particular.  
  
The inhabitants of the town roared with laughter as they left for the Highwind waiting outside.  
  
As Cloud climbed the ladder swinging from it's underside, he called out, "Where's Yuffie?"  
  
Everybody shrugged.  
  
"Oh God, here we go again....." 


End file.
